Friday, December 28, 2012
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
"A Soldier's Night Before Christmas"
Well hello my loyal readers, and to my newest readers. Hope my words find you with a smile on this fine Tuesday morning. Course for some of you, your time zone could be ahead of me or behind me, but welcome just the same. I wanted to share with you a quick story about an observation and why I feel that if we could all just hold within us, just an ounce of compassion, life could be ever so much easier. After what I saw yesterday, I realized that there are people in this world that need this true life lesson.
I had been sitting in a patient waiting area in the Walter Reed National Medical Center, waiting for my appointment in the Dental Clinic, watching people walking by as they make their way to and from the various clinics on the floor that I was on. I noticed that all of them wore the same look of frustration, stone cold, anger, and some even tried to wear a painted smile to conceal the sorrow that consumed the rest of their body. It was obvious that people were not happy, until I heard the sounds of little feet running. I saw a mother and her young son making their way to the same clinic check-in desk that I had just been standing at. I never noticed her husband that was with her until he rolled up to the counter in his motorized wheelchair. My thoughts paid no mind to his disability, but what did catch me was the dozens of people who walked by wearing a frown with the exception of his sweet son, who was probably no more than two, and his father’s face that wore a genuine smile. It was when he turned his chair around that I noticed that the jacket that he had to conceal his legs had slid off revealing the extreme redness of recent scares of his double amputation and the loss of two fingers on his right hand. My mind pondered what he may have had to endure that the end result was this extreme, until I heard him tell the staff member at the desk he had recently been in the ongoing war overseas. I felt a rush of tears making their way onto the surface of my face that was soon turned into a smile after what he did next. His wife worked with the staff to get appointments that did not go as smoothly as she had hoped, but hung in there as their son became restless and was working on a bit of a crying fit. Without hesitation, her husband lifted his son up and placed in him in his lap, and then took him for a quick spin around the hospital on our floor. Both dad and son smiled and laughed as their wheels made a unique rhythm on the tiled floor as they wooshed by.
Wow, here is a father, a dad, a Soldier who has fought for our freedom and has suffered the loss of his limbs, and yet without missing a beat, reaches out to his wife to help her by entertaining his son, with laughter and smiles, while other onlookers displayed their disgust that their wish for library silence, had been broken by their sounds of joy. For me, their laughter helped me realize that no matter what we all may have endured in our lives; we never know the stories of others and what life is like for them. I wish citizens out there that feel that being negative and mean is the way life would realize - IT'S NOT! We can't let the sorrow take hold of us and bring us to such a low, that we can't bring ourselves up. We must rise up and move forward with love and happiness in our hearts and be blessed that we are still alive no matter what the challenges we have faced or the ones that await us. Life is too short.
As these feelings rushed over within me, a song began to ring out in my mind and touched my heart as if it were cradled in the palm of my husband’s hand being held ever so gently. “A Soldier's Night before Christmas," This is my husband’s favorite Christmas Song and it was this year when I really learned why it means so much to him. After all that I have learned this year about my Seabee Veteran, I look up at the heavens and thank god that he and his unit came home after their time in the Gulf War from 90-91. Like the song, they too had been Soldiers that had missed Christmas, with friends and family because of their duties as a United States Soldier, yet even thought they are home, there is a part of their souls that has been taken from them and remains overseas. I have never come face to face with the destruction of war or have been on the front line, but with all of his unit members who have been willing to share their personal stories of war, I have a better understanding and a deep seeded respect and appreciation of what, my husband, the soldier in the military hospital yesterday, and our men and woman in our armed forces go through when they come from war. I am thankful that at this time, my husband may not be in a wheelchair, or needs walking aids, but he still deals with pain both physically and other times mentally of his time during the war. I will never know everything about this man I love, and what he went through, but what I do know - I love him with all that I am and here for him no matter what.
Merry Christmas Ron & Merry Christmas to our military members and the families that wait patiently for their loved ones safe return home and to those who have come home and are trying to put the pieces of their lives back together as their family lovingly waits. This song I dedicate to all of you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdEFaOoSBsw
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Happy Thanksgiving One and All
Happy Thanksgiving
Well, I guess I can say that my hopes to blog on a daily basis went right out the window, for the month of November, but on the flip, I am very thankful as my Internet ornament business is lifting off the ground and has kept me very occupied. With Halloween and all the wonderful stories and pictures that helped me create all kinds of fun things, it was rather easy to write on a daily basis, and I will be the first to admit. I miss it when I don't. I have some fun ideas planned for Decembers blog, as well as the countdown day looms very close - "Organizing Stacey Bolin by 2013." You'll never believe what happens in all of that quest and it is a story you won't soon forget. So hang in there, and I am sorry that my words were silent, I am just learning how to multi-task productively. Below are some pictures of today's accomplishments and I am so very thankful that I have my husband and my boys to share my cooking talents with.
I hope that all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and wishing you luck in your quest to find that special holiday gift if you are considering going out on Black Friday. May I suggest a place you can go look without leaving the comforts of home, - www.etsy.com and type in Ukandu in the space to find shops. Until next time - Blog ya later.
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| My own bread/roll recipe. Still rising. |
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| This was a butterball Fresh Young Turkey. So moist you could squeeze the juice out of it when it was done. |
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| One of four pans of rolls, however not all were just dinner rolls. |
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| In our house, if you make dough, you make cinnamon rolls too. |
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Guardian - "Angel Rose"
This is a painted version of Guardian "Angel Rose" as told in my book "Through the Barracks Window" in the chapter titled - "Birth of a Rose".
If you wish to give your special some their own "Angel Rose" ornament, go to the link below.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
"Baby - Let's Talk Turkey! Gobble Gobble"
Hey there ya'll in cleaning land. So I bet you are wondering - How am I doing in the quest to kick the clutter? I will admit, I let the excitement of Halloween distract me with avengence. Ha-ha. But seriously, I have downsized even more and for many reasons. I found that if you change your thinking, you can also change the way you do things. I've attached a link to my recent blog post to share with you a bit about my unique ways, my plans and another goal that I wanted to post here instead...I am planning what I call the "big Reveal", a unique series of before and after pictures that you will be truly amazed with. Each week until New Years, I am going to highlight a room, and how the room was and why, and then the after picture of how looks now and how I accomplished it. It really is remarkable. So for now, let me saunter back into the kitchen and put the dishes away and get the counters cleaned up nice before the hubby rolls in after a long day at work. I do hope you also enjoy my November blog listed below. If you have things you want to share - Please send your stories, photos, and recipes this way. Until tomorrow - I'll blog ya later.
http://bu3-ret-staceybolin.blogspot.com/2012/11/baby-lets-talk-turkey-gobble-gobble.html
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Monday, October 29, 2012
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
"Mystery Caller Halloween Revenge" Scary Stories
READERS CAUTIONED: This story contains foul lauguage, suggestive violence and sexual situations.
http://bu3-ret-staceybolin.blogspot.com/2012/10/mystery-caller-halloween-revenge-scary.html
http://bu3-ret-staceybolin.blogspot.com/2012/10/mystery-caller-halloween-revenge-scary.html
Monday, October 22, 2012
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Friday, October 19, 2012
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Sunday, October 14, 2012
"Be On The Lookout" - Here come's Halloween
17 Days until Halloween
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| "My son and his Ghoul Friends" |
As many of us prepare for the upcoming Halloween traditions, I find myself being pulling in several directions which often leads me to leave things incomplete; take my blogging for example. I am doing the best to write every day, but my weekends are not forgiving when it comes to needing my time to write. As you know, my family and I have been volunteers for our local Halloween Haunt for the past ten years. But something happened this year that none of the haunted barn and hay ride ghouls ever expect - This year we all got the green light to change our scene's 100%. So here is my question of the day - What happens when you tell about two dozen very creative extreme Halloween lovers they can change their scare tactics? You get a house that is guaranteed to completely scare all those who dare to enter through its doors. Four about six years I had always obtained the back portion of our haunted house. I would always make the Meat Locker scene and a maze that resembled walking through very dimly lit catacombs that would take you past most people’s worst nightmare - Clowns. Another year I added a huge spiders den and a huge mystery box into the maze and locker scene. I just kept adding to what I had already created, never changing the original design that I had started with. I guess you could say I was becoming very complacent in where and what my scenes would be. The best way to describe my thinking - I wished for change, but at the same time, feared it as the set up each year was easy because I knew it very well. It would usually take about four days and I would be done and then wait for opening night.
This year, our Queen of Haunt did something like non-other. Her exact words were, "I WANT THIS HAUNTED BARN AND HAUNTED HAY RIDE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THIS YEAR -MAKE IT HAPPEN!" What made me think that I was exempt from this change is beyond me. It was a phone call from a very close friend that snapped my complacency into a huge reality check. All I remember hearing was myself repeating what she had told me, but with sheer fear wrapped tightly around my words - "They moved my maze to the front of the building!?" Immediately my brain began to shake rattle and roll with crazed thoughts slamming back and forth in my head. How could I do it? I have no place to attach the walls too! I'm going to have to build it free standing!? It won't work! It won't look right! I am certain that my friend heard the panic in my voice, but she had enough on her mind and with great ease simply said to me, "You'll figure it out, I know you will."
Usually that helps calm my mind down, but not this time. I was in for a massive change and feared that I would let the Queen of the Halloween Happening down. After having three days to ponder in my head what my scene would look like, I was still unable to envision it in my mind without going there in person to take measurements and make myself begin to think outside the box I was hiding in. It was only then, and the endless help from my husband, did my inner creative self-slap the negative Nelly out of my thinking for good. Today, after two days of working diligently on my new creations, I am able to stand back and honestly feel that this may be the best creation I have thought up, that includes a whole new maze, unknown scares have been incorporated, and the best part, this will require a new tour guide costume for me. WAA WHOO!!!! You will not only be taken into the biggest Halloween thrill in Annapolis - You'll be entering the best Anne Arundel County Fair Halloween Happening event, you'll be entering;
"ADAM'S NIGHTMARE"
One can only hope that the nightmare won't haunt you in your dreams.
So I know that I had said that my hopes were to have my blog written every day for the month of October and that it would be Halloween Themed. Well I guess I can say I have kept part of my promise. I may have missed both the Saturdays so far in October, but everything I have put together for you, my loyal readers and new readers that may have just discovered my writing, the main goal continues to remain – Halloween themed. I have been working very hard on two very special original writings that my editors have been very happy with thus far. My plans were to post a spooky story called “The Harvest Moon” last week, but have been asked to keep it for Halloween week to really shake things up. I love that people are writing to me about my stories all asking for me to write more. Well, I am pleased to announce I will continue to post stories I receive and that I will have another one of my original scary stories posted this week that is titled; “The Sister’s Curse”. So until tomorrow, I will let your eyes leave my page so that your mind can begin to wonder – “Is this blogger crazy or what?” I’ll answer that question tomorrow. Goodnight All – Blog ya later. Hey and if I haven't said it lately. Thanks for reading my writings. It means so much me to see all the different countries that are seeing my words. I am truly grateful.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Monday, October 8, 2012
Friday, October 5, 2012
House Work & Halloween - Now that's a scary story!
My plan is to be able to show you what our home looks like dressed in its Halloween attire. See a strange thing happens to me when the house work is done - I get ambition to do all kinds of crafty things. So give me a few more days to get my pictures together so you can she the great progress I have made. I just can't believe that I have been de-cluttering this house, running a business, blogging my butt off and now getting ready to volunteer with my family to create a haunted house. These next three months are like riding on a rocket to the moon - Blink and it's gonna be January. Yikes! So while I have you here, take a look at today's Halloween Blog. Hope you like. Until next time - Blog ya later.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Fact or Fiction? Can you figure it out?
28 Days until Halloween
"Heavenly Slumber"
By: Stacey L. Bolin
Music to accompany this story:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7umg6ZrIEH8&feature=related
She feared it would upset her mother to no end, if she talked about the passing of her mother's mother, who had been ill for a very long time, but something inside her made her pick up the phone later that day and share with her what had just happened, in spite of her mother’s wish to push talks of the dead, aside. Her mother had just gotten out of work and had been home a short while when her phone rang. The conversation revolved around, the baby, the husband, the housework, the usual, until she got to courage up to share the story about her dream. As she final reached the end of her story, her mother began to cry and responded, "I feel so much better as I always wondered - is she alright now."
So I ask you, upon reading this - what do you believe? Is this story Fact or Fiction? Join me tomorrow to get the truth about the story you have just read and try to figure out the mystery behind tomorrows spooky tale - "The Flash"
Until tomorrow - Blog you later.
On a beautiful sunny day in Laconia, New Hampshire a young housewife at the age of 22, who lived on Fair Street with her husband and infant daughter, tended to her daily responsibilities, while being consumed by this endless feeling of needing to rest. She had never been one to nap during the afternoon, as it often made her feeling nauseated and run down when she would awake, but on this day her need to rest prevailed. She had made her husband his lunch and then sent him on his way back to work. She laid the baby in her crib, outside of the usual routine of a diaper change and feeding. Her mind was fixed on her need to do nothing more than rest. She had no idea what truly lay and wait for her.
Responsive to the sounds of the world outside her bedroom window, she lay on her bed with her eyes closed taking a quiet moment to herself as she easily feel into a twilight sleep. He eyes displayed images of a town that she knew all too well. The weather was perfect as she felt her adult self, running down the side walk on Main St. in the town of Franklin, New Hampshire to a brick building called the Odd fellas Block. When she came to the double doors, a familiar face looked at her. "Grandpa?" she thought, "but he had passed away years ago. What is he doing here?" Without a word spoken, he opened the double doors and pointed in a direction that encourage her to enter the building.
She continued to run, making her way up the stairs and through the musty smelling, dark and winding corridor. She recalled the high ceilings and the halls with no windows. It was a multipurpose building back in its day. The first floor was a drugstore, which had a meeting hall upstairs, along with a billiard room for members only, a doctor’s office and four apartments - one of which was where her grandmother had lived. As she opened the door to what used to be her grandmother apartment. There she was met with another familiar face, which too had passed away, long before her grandfather, but was doing what he always had done in those years she remembered. He was looking in their refrigerator for something to eat. When he realized she was standing there, he never said a word, just simply pointed for her to continue down the hallway of the apartment.
She stopped and marveled at the two panels of curtains that hung as a door that was once her grandmother’s bedroom. Her memories had never let her forget how high these ceiling had been in the building and the curtains that had hung from them all those years. As she pushed the curtains to the side, her eyes became fixed on the room and the things within - it was her grandmother’s bedroom. As she looked around the room, all the furniture was in its proper place, with the exception of the bed. In the area where her bed once stood was cloud like image that had been filled with the lightest blue, pink, and purple colors that were soft and Serene to look at. As she continued to look at its beauty, she was met with an image of a face that she had longed to see - her grandmother who had passed away a few months earlier.
Her hair appeared so soft and the color was so beautiful. Her skin was flawless and angelic looking. There was only one word she could describe the beauty before her very eyes - heavenly. Throughout out her entire dream, nobody had ever said a word to her until that very moment when the image of her grandmother simply said, "I'm alright now." Immediately she was jolted from her dream as she lay on the bed in the same place when she first closed her eyes. She was shaken that she had heard her grandmother’s voice. Never in all of her dreams, had she ever heard any voice but her own. Instinctively she wanted to call her mother to share with her what had just happened, but knew that her mother was one that did not speak of death or of those who passed. She recalled that it took her mother ten years to talk about when her husband had passed away, but the pain was still there even after all of these years.
****
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Monday, October 1, 2012
It's That Spooky Time of the Year - Won't you join us??
Greetings my friends and fellow readers. Well here it is October 1, 2012 and I have about 92 days to get this house into a complete clutter free state. I can feel the squeeze and the endless pressure to get it done. With the weather cooling off, I can feel this lazy butt of mine, getting ready to move into full clean out mode, while at the same time, working with a very busy schedule. Below is a link to some of the things my family does during the Halloween season. We are volunteers for the Halloween Happening at the Anne Arundel County Fair grounds. My kids love to put their best scare on, my husband helps with the hay ride, and I am the haunted barn tour guide. I hope that if any of you are in the area - stop by for a fun filled fright night.
http://bu3-ret-staceybolin.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-spooktacular-count-down-begins-r-u.html
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Saturday, September 22, 2012
A Delicious Way to Enjoy the Fall and Winter Seasons.
Happy 1st Day of Autumn! I wanted to share with you a great dessert that I make for my family, especially during the fall and winter months. I hope you enjoy it.
BEST EVER APPLE CRISP
Ingredients that you will need to make this delicious dish.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Peal and slice 6 to 8 Apples, and put into a lightly greased deep dish glass pie plate. Set aside.
(I like glass better than the metal or non-stick, because the apples cook evenly and they don't overcook or get a rubbery type of texture)
Mix Together the follow ingredients with a fork.
1. Cup Flour - unbleached
1. Cup Sugar
1. teaspoon baking soda
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/2. teaspoon cinnamon
1/2. teaspoon nutmeg
1. Egg
Pour this mixture over the apples.
Sprinkle with:
1/3 cup of real salted butter
1/2 Teaspoon of Cinnamon
Bake 30 to 40 minutes - start watching closely after 30 minutes so that edges to not over brown or burn. If they appear to be getting very dark, cover edges with a pie crust protector or tear tin foil into long strips and wrap around the pie plate just to cover the edges of the crisp. This recipe is delicious when served warm with a scoop of vanilla ice cream or a whipped cream topping. It is also great cold. Enjoy!
Friday, September 21, 2012
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
"The Mind is A Powerful Thing"
We'll here it is, September 19, 2012. Nine
months since I began my quest to get organized and what a quest it has been.
Now for most people, when a person says that they need to get organized it
generally means getting your home, office, or maybe even your storage locker
you purchased to house the extra stuff that your home doesn't have room for.
But what if getting organized meant, organizing your material things and your
mental things? For years I saw the physical clutter in front of me and never
understood the mental clutter that was the cause. I've walked around in my life
in this half-baked type thought process without any answers as to why. Could it
be that I was just lazy? A terrible homemaker? Depressed? Overwhelmed? Maybe
all of the above - I just couldn't tell you. But what I do know is that when
your mind is unorganized, the life around you will be the same. Now I'll be
honest, there were times that I should have posted my before and after clutter projects, that I have
been working on between the gaps in my blogging, but recently I've been trying to cope with a past situation that has found its way to the forefront of my memories that have me feeling deeply ashamed and embarrassed and what's worse this event dictated who I was all these years. I share this with you today, as it is time to move forward and that someone may be going through the same thing as myself. I'm not looking for pitty and you can't change a thing, that the past is what it is and all I can do now is try to accept and move on. Easier said than done. I believe it is important that when someone sets out to do something and they are not consistent, sometimes there is an underlining reason of explanation that helps those around you to understand and offer support.
I chose to go back to a therapist to help
delve into the mysteries of my mind. Why do I do what I do and say what I say.
Why did I feel like I had two people living in this body of mine? In late July
I discovered why. When a person has experienced a traumatic event in their
life, most times they deal with the event and move on slowly in the life.
Others, for whatever the reason, block the event with the hopes that the
memories will never return. It take a lot of work when a person blocks a pain,
a hurt, a sorrow that in their mind they just don't want to handle and that is
where my problems began and left me, for years on a path of extreme behaviors
created by the mind to keep a memory from returning. Now when my therapist told
me that it was possible for people to go on for years this way, I looked at her
as if she was a fool, but in things that I wrote and said she began to see a
pattern that resembled sexual abuse/assault. I could not recall anything major
when she spoke of this, but I do remember feeling panicked, the room began to
spin and my breath quickened.
I couldn’t get out of her office fast enough and
was happy to know that I was only being seen every two weeks. Personally I
always believed that it was my cancer diagnosis that resulted in a duel
personality - one happy and one sad. When I felt sad or scared, then the extreme
happy personality would shove the other personality out of the way and take
over. Yet when my therapist asked me how long I felt I had this feeling of
being two people, I responded “Since I first got to Adak.” Well now that ruled
out my cancer being the cause of my extreme behavior, but what in heaven’s name
happened in Adak other than the typical everyday military life and drama, that
would make me feel that I need to think the way that I have over the past 21
years – It just didn’t add up in my mind, however could explain the excessive
need to return to the island. I have always felt there was something I needed
to go get, or find, but couldn’t explain it.
I’d have dreams about Adak that were extremely
vivid, I could smell, hear, taste, touch, I was there but would wake up very
upset when my dreams would take me into a club that I used to work at called
the Husky Club, which I spoke about in my book “Through the Barracks Window”,
but did not recall this traumatic event that I am about to share with you, until just this summer thanks to close Seabee friend
who finally provided me with the answers that I had missed placed in my mind to
protect myself from the hurt. When I asked him why he waited so long to tell me
what he knew his response was – I didn’t want to be the bad guy and hurt my
friend with what I knew and that it seemed that I had just moved passed it and
he didn’t want to bring it up.” It was after talking to him, all the memories
that I had banished away behind a locked door in my mind, where once again in
front of me twenty-one years later. He never knew that I had just blocked it, I
had never faced it and I should have from the start. I am finding with each day I chose to talk
about what happened to me, the clutter in my mind and in my home is rapidly diminishing.
So what happened to me you asked? A man took something from me without asking
as he knew the answer would be NO! AND NO MEANS NO!
I was a DJ after my military work/duties, at
the Husky Club. I was 23 years old, single, and doing what I loved after my Seabee work - I got to play music for others to enjoy. My first few nights working there I was in a training type of
status – having to learn how to fade one song into another, how to turn the
equipment on and off, and getting over my fear of talking on the microphone. I
was a fantastic DJ – when nobody was in the building. We are all great at something when nobody is around. Now we all
have those mom moments, you know the ones when you’re about to do something and
you hear your mother’s voice in the back of your mind telling you to think
before you do it. Well I had hit one of those moments head on. I was still very
timid about working the equipment and decided that I would stay after the club
closed to go over the closing process one more time before going solo. I
trusted the guy who was training me – and that was my downfall. He had brought me a beer, which had
already been opened, that he had got while the bar tender was closing. He was
so gitty when he said, “Here, this is one of the perks of being a DJ at the Husky
when you are the one closing up the place – we get free beer!” I smiled and happily
accepted it.
The music that was playing began to sound
like and can best be described as white noise. That is when my happy moment and my
love for music, while the song Diamonds and Pearls, by Prince, (Which is why - Liz, I hated it when you'd request this song endlessly over the next four years I was there, and you knew I wouldn't play it. Now It has me wondering if you knew what happened? What I am told now is that my reaction to your request then could be considered a trigger and that I didn't understand why the song bothered me because my mind had chosen to block the memory of how it related.) It continued to
play and my body was slowly becoming limp. The music sounded like it was beginning to fade on and off. I remember feeling
tired and dazed and once in a great while I could see colored lights flash
before my eyes as he spoke, “Nobody has to know.” The lights and white noise were also dreams I would have but could never find the relevance of them to my life. I didn’t like the
feeling of him touching me as he took a hold of me to lead me across the dance floor to another room, but I didn’t have any strength to pull away. I
remember seeing the ladies room, but he took me into the back office with a
mattress on the floor. I hated the way
he felt on top of me, but I couldn’t scream for help! I hated the scent of his cologne,
but couldn’t get fresh air! I hated the sound of his voice telling me how
beautiful and sexy I was! I HATED IT ALL! I HATED HIM! I was filling with rage
while feeling completely helpless. I wanted to strike him, hurt him, scream at
him, pull his hair, but my body just lay there – numb. I could feel the warmth
of my tears pool into the corner of my eyes and then run down the side of face
into my ears and then down my neck. I tried to just fixate on the warmth of my
tears and he took want he wanted from me physically and sexually. He was a
thief in the night never to be trusted again.
It was then I felt myself morf into a split person, just like being cut completely in half from head to toe. I told
myself to think of something else it will all be over soon and you will forget
about it. I remember going deep within myself looking for things that made me
happy as he continued to have his way with me. I don’t remember when the thief
finished with me, but what I do remember is constantly looking for the pink
shirt that I wore that night that was never to be found again. I remember
hearing loud banging on the door and soon a man’s voice saying to me, “I’m
sorry I left you alone with him, I’m so sorry, will you ever forgive me.” I
never looked up to see his face, I knew the voice and that he worked there, but I didn't know him personally. He insisted that I call the police, but I just
wanted to go back to my barracks room never to come out again. My personality was always positive when I finally went back to work, I refused to deal with what had happened, however my dislike to be touched by people became extreme. I tried dating guys while on the island, but I couldn't find the ability to connect and the idea of sex sickened me.
When the man I am now married to today, arrived on the island in 1992, I had pretty much given up on men all together. Until the night that I met him. I honestly feel that was the night that my mind had blocked what had happened to me months earlier. My husband's touch is the only touch I wanted and would accept. He had a special quality unlike the others I had dated - his hugs made me feel 100% safe and still does to this very day. I never reported what had happened to me and by the time I had met my husband, I had completely blocked what had happened, but trust me, people on the base must have known which may, or
may not, explain why they were so upset that I got married only knowing a guy
three months. Maybe they believed I married him because I was running away from
the pain of what happened. I’ll set that record straight – How can someone run
from something they don’t remember?? I married my husband, because I love him
and so very much in love with him and I don’t want anyone else. It hurts me to
think that still after all these years, a person who took something from me,
still was taking from me mentally after all of these years and my friends and
family had to suffer while I struggled with what the doctors believe were/are symptoms of P.T.S.D. for years and
didn’t know or remember why.
To my friend
who found the courage to share what they knew about that tragic part of my life
on the Rock and then also let me know that I was not the only one who had been taken
advantage of at the club – I thank you. I am sure it was hard to finally reveal what
you knew, but please understand I could never be mad at you and I am so
thankful that it was you who told me. It will take me a long time to actually
say the four letter "R" word that describes what happened to me, but I have given
the information/documentation to the right people to help me move passed the memories of the
event and finally be the "one personality" me I used to be. You my friend have given me a new
light on life and myself and my family thank you.
I tell myself that with each improvement, accompanied by music that inspires me to stay on a positive road another spark of happiness shines. These are a couple of my many favorites to get me motivated and helped me attacked the Spare bedroom madness.
I know the process takes time and with the support that I have from my friends and family, I will overcome this. I have not given up my goal to be organized by the 2013 and I promise you...I WILL DO IT! I may not blog every day, but I do my best to write at least twice a week to keep you updated on this progress. I know - you will not be disappointed.
Below are before and after pictures of the dreaded spare bed room/office clutter hell that I battled for months, but is now in an excellent example of what happens when you let your mind go somewhere positive and your heart follows.
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| Looking at this I see the clutter that was in my mind. Kinda gives a person whole new perspective when someones asks you - "What the hell are you thinking?" |
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| There is peace in the Valley - Let's hope it lasts. |
“Combat and rape, the public and private forms of organized social violence, are primarily experiences of adolescent and early adult life. The United States Army enlists young men at seventeen; the average age of the Vietnam combat soldier was nineteen. In many other countries boys are conscripted for military service while barely in their teens. Similarly, the period of highest risk for rape is in late adolescence. Half of all victims are aged twenty or younger at the time they are raped; three-quarters are between the ages of thirteen and twenty-six. The period of greatest psychological vulnerability is also in reality the period of greatest traumatic exposure, for both young men and young women. Rape and combat might thus be considered complementary social rites of initiation into the coercive violence at the foundation of adult society. They are the paradigmatic forms of trauma for women and men.”
― Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery: The aftermath of violence--from domestic abuse to political terror
― Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery: The aftermath of violence--from domestic abuse to political terror
Friday, September 7, 2012
Friday, August 31, 2012
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Monday, August 20, 2012
Some Monday Morning Humor.
A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.
Your daughter, Judith
PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.
Your daughter, Judith
PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Guess What? - I'm Back!
Greetings to all my fellow followers in Blogger land. As the title indicated, I am back from a long vacation and have so much to share with you as another Maryland summer draws to a close. I will update you on the highs and lows on our travels and the successes and failures on my quest to become an organized individual once and for all, and the biggest event of the year...how will I survive another birthday this Saturday. I'll have it all starting Tuesday, August 21, 2012. Looking forward to getting back on this keyboard and riding the Internet once again. So until then - Blog ya later.
Friday, August 3, 2012
IT'S A TOP 10 FRIDAY - SMILE YA'LL
10 best excuses when you get caught falling asleep on your desk at work:
10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in time!"
7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"
4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
3. "The coffee machine is broken..."
2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your
desk...
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
"Sometimes life just hurts"
I found this on a website for wives who are
coping with spouses with PTSD, but realized as I read the words slowly trying
to take in each meaning thinking it was written just for me, I know it wasn’t, this can be applied to
anyone’s daily life and so I wanted to share this with you. It really does
speak volumes.
***
As we grow up, we learn that even the one
person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down probably will. You'll have your
heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best
friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is
flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love
like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, and
no second chances. You just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what
they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain,
hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up,
stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to
take chances or fall in love and most of all; live in the moment because every
second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get
back.
***
Really
does speak out doesn’t it? So, upon reading this my favorite quote came to mind
as well – “When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and have them all
wondering how you did it.”
Thursday, July 26, 2012
COSTLY BANTER VS. HUNGER - What a morning!
You know it's going to be a long day, when you hear something on the radio and your instantly triggered with an opinion. Now, 5:05am, I'd rather think of better things like; Is it the weekend yet? Is it payday? What could I make good for dinner? Will my husband and son be working late on the job tonight? But this wasn't the case for today. I was triggered by a commercial about hunger in America., followed by the topic of the day for people to call in and voice their opinions, "How the presidential candidates have been paying thousands upon thousands of dollars to slam, slander, bash, and out point the other ones current and past faults and do American's like this political banter or not." Now to know me is to know that I turn and run in the opposite direction on any topics that are politically charged, but this time I almost called in, but withheld doing so, as I work for the Radio station I was listening to.
Frankly, I was appalled to hear what people had to say. "REALLY FOLKS - THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS WAISTED SO EACH CANIDATE CAN POINT FINGERS ABOUT EACH OTHERS RIGHTS AND WRONGS AND YOU SAY IT’S OK TO SPEND THIS KIND OF MONEY!" How about this idea if you want to be the President. If you truly want the job or better yet...my vote. Put the money you spend to bash one another to more important issues. A perfect example; feed the hungry we have in the USA! Take all that money and put it towards the deficit that keeps growing every day. Stop the idea of taxing people who can't afford to buy into this new healthcare - and why can't they? They have been on unemployment for god only knows how long and they have to make bigger decisions - do we pay the electric today or do we feed our children? I am very tired of this political bullshit. I am tired of seeing people struggle. It rips my heart out when I hear that people I know are losing their homes because their financial investments are gone because of the bad economy, that good people are making bad decisions out of fear, anguish, and depression. People who are facing a personal hell, no matter the reason, the people around them suffer too.
To either candidate - If you want to be an effective President, no matter who is elected, then be a leader who listens to All the people ALL of the time, not some of the people all of the time that will better your growing resume. Remember gentlemen. You have, and the people throughout this world have, children who are also going to be affected by future tomorrows, long after your time in office, by the choices each of you make today. Don't stand at your podiums and tell us what we want to hear, show us that you heard us. Actions speak louder than words. Show us that the constitution really means something and is not just on display in Washington DC to bring in tourists to generate revenue.
The words within our constitution have depth, meaning, and soul.
We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
What would our founding fathers think if they could see us now? How do you want to be remembered; for the way we once were, the way we are now, or the way we could be because someone dared to step outside the box and make a solid difference.
To my readers out there, again, this is merely my opinion. I’m not asking you to agree or disagree. I just found it to be so frustrating that callers were voicing their opinion why these endless high dollar election bash fest television ads are justified. All the while the commercial about how the family next door is privately starving stabs my thoughts like an endless beeping alarm clock without an off switch. Who knows maybe it was intentional to get people thinking, like the way it took hold of me. Before the radio came on, I pondered, maybe I’ll go back to bed. Now I sit wanting to vent as I just can’t seem to wrapped my head around the fact that it seems that priorities different across the board in the world of today vs. the world of yesterday.
Here’s hoping that the struggles that each of you may be facing, are met with strength, courage, and know that you are not alone. That one day the future will be so bright – We’ll all have to wear shades.
Thanks for joining me today and as always –Blog ya later.
Inspirational Song for the day.
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